A Decade

A decade has passed since I lost my mom. I still think about her all the time, but I would say these days I'm less sad about it. I still have my emotional moments, but overall I think hindsight is becoming clearer. I'm a firm believer in Romans 8:28: And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Ten years later I'm beginning to realize that the death of my mom was a wake up call for me spiritually. Her death brought me to my feet and to the feet of God. I began taking my faith more seriously, and more recently I've been trying harder to let the gospel transform my life radically. It's a slow and painful process, and I definitely don't get it right most of the time. In the few moments that I do get it right, I'm thankful for the path I'm on now because my path before would have destroyed my entire life.

Today I kept thinking about the song Faith My Eyes. The song is more about being on the road and missing home, and I think sometimes I feel like I'm on the road being so far from the place I grew up. I feel that my journey's not over though. Texas will always be my home, and my friends there and here in New York will always be my family. But I crave adventure whether it be here in New York still or somewhere else. I just want to keep living my life for God and not for me. I looked up the lyrics for Faith My Eyes, and didn't realize how much the lyrics could apply to my own life.

So for the next ten years, I hope to keep growing and seeking God. I hope my faith strengthens and not weakens. And who knows, maybe there will still be a blog in 10 years where I can reminisce.

Faith My Eyes

As I survey the ground for ants
Looking for a place to sit and read
I'm reminded of the streets of my hometown
How they're much like this concrete that's warm beneath my feet

And how I'm all wrapped up in my mother's face
With a touch of my father just up around the eyes
And the sound of my brother's laugh
But more wrapped up in what binds our ever distant lives

But if I must go
Things I trust will be better off without me
But I don't want to know
Life is better off a mystery

So keep 'em coming these lines on the road
And keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load
And keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise
And I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes